Faith and Running: Getting Rusty

This is a bit of a cheat as technically this post is about what I've been up to outside of my shifts as a runner, but as what I'm going to talk about has come off the back of my running job I feel like I can sneak it into this series (as I'm presumptuously calling it).                
                                    
In my previous post I talked about how asking to sit in with people is not something that comes easily to me. Well, I've finally plucked up the courage (common sense) to make a start on facing that particular character-flaw, and have started sitting in with some people at work.

One one hand there's a wonderful air of familiarity in some of the stuff I'm seeing. Obviously there's still plenty to learn, and probably always will be, but it was very reassuring to know I'm not in a totally alien world. On the other hand, I'm also realising that the good half a year between now and finishing at uni has taken it's toll. There's a lot of stuff hidden away in my mind somewhere that I need to lure back to the surface. For example, when I was sitting in today I was asked how to do something very simple that I did countless times at uni without even thinking, but today gave completely the wrong answer...which was somewhat embarrassing!

I'm sure many of you have cottoned on to where this is leading by now. Yes, I'm also getting rusty when it comes to God. I wouldn't say I've lost my faith. I still love God and try to do right by what I believe, but the daily discipleship isn't happening, so I lose my way on a regular basis.  As with post production - much of it is there, somewhere. I've grown up in a Christian family and have had the benefit of years of Christian teachings, but it means nothing if I don't act on it. God remains amazing and unchanging, just as Final Cut Pro remains... unchanging, but it does require effort on my part. I don't learn without interaction, and passiveness leads to forgetfulness. The analogy doesn't quite work (just like FCP really) - you don't need to be 'trained' to know God, and with God there's no such thing as a 'general error', but the point remains that following Jesus isn't a one-way street.

God can and will do amazing things in people, and on one level it's out of our control, taking absolutely nothing from us, I've seen and believe that, but although the effort on our part won't affect God's ability to work miracles, without it we won't allow ourselves to grow.

This is why it really is about time I found a church, it's something I've neglected to do for too long - every weekend I manage to find myself an excuse not to start hunting, which basically amounts to bad decision after bad decision. At work it was being around people who do the job day in, day out that made me realise just how much I need to spend some more quality time with certain pieces of software, and in the same way I'm sure being around people who are also trying to build their relationship with God day by day will help to give my faith some direction, and make it sink in how vital it is I start putting in some more hours with God.

Think that I've squeezed every morsel possible from this analogy? Think again. I was also fortunate enough to be allowed to play with some footage from one of the productions at work this week. It's one of the best things I've got to do since starting my job and it reminded me exactly why I'm in this. Time just flew by- everything I love about editing came flooding back. I was on a late shift followed by an early so my intention was to just watch through the footage ready to cut when I had more time, but as soon as I started watching it my mind just came alight and I couldn't help but get started. I got excited every time I saw a bit of performance I liked, started working out how best to fit it into the cut, and felt an enormous sense of achievement when I made something work. I was gripped by shaping the structure of the scene and ideas for little extra touches were bouncing around my mind.

Again, I'm sure you can see where this is going. Occasionally I actually bother to really try to connect with God and He always teaches me something new, and to coin an overused phrase, really does blow my mind. Time doesn't matter anymore, I've got something amazing here.

I find my job very hard work, and I know that won't change if I manage to work my way up the ladder, but it's all about doing something that I love to bits. I'll be honest and say that I don't get excited about the nitty-gritty of Christianity, but that's because I need to remind myself who it's all about. Once upon a time, I couldn't get enough of it. That 'once upon a time' happens to be when I started helping out more at church. It took effort on my part, but I took way more than I gave. There's a love there, I just need to rediscover it by actually doing something about it. It's not gone, it's just rusty. Thankfully the difference is that God is can work with rusty. Software just mocks you with its errors until you press the right buttons.

I know this has been a little more of a wishy-washy post than my last couple, and reading this back I'm not sure I've quite managed to pinpoint what's going on in my mind, but really the point is that this last week or so has started to bring home just how much work I have ahead of me. Just like with that cut, that over-sensible, paranoid part of my brain should take a back seat when it comes to God. I'm really looking forward to delving back into the technical side of post production, but I also need to start delving into the technical world of being a Christian. Not just the 'please God can I have', but actually opening my Bible, taking time out of my day to pray, to learn, to serve, and to finally have the guts to walk into a new church.

Faith and Running: Part 1

I've been a runner for a post production company for just over two months now, and it's thrown up so many challenges and raised so many questions for me that I'm going to split my thoughts into a few posts. Obviously this is a public blog so I have to be careful what I write about. This is my job - something that I'm really keen to progress in, and with yet to be released projects being worked on and some high profile clients running about, I can't just start reeling off everything that happens in specific detail, but that doesn't stop me being open and honest about myself and where that leaves me in my faith. So, here goes.

I am not a natural born runner. I mean, I don't it's think anyone's ultimate goal in life, but some people are just better at it. As much as it's considered an entry level position in the industry, it actually requires many skills that not everyone has full stop, and certainly not that you would naturally attribute to post production - or for that matter, myself. Knocking on doors and asking people if they want anything requires a lot of confidence when you're someone like me, carrying trays full of hot drinks requires a certain amount of strength and balance that I (discovered I) have a severe lack of, and asking people if you can shadow/sit in with them is not something I'm naturally attuned to doing - doing stuff for people is a lot nicer than asking something of them (or in Bible speak - 'It is more blessed to give than to receive') It never feels like an appropriate moment either. It's not that I'm not interested - in fact the total opposite applies, but when someone's running around like mad trying to do eighteen things at once, I never think 'would you mind if I sat in with you for a bit' is the most appropriate thing to say to them. There's so much about my job and the way you progress in it that is far from my natural skill set.

I can look at an Avid project and know exactly how to tidy it up- sort those bins, rename those sub-clips, transcode that media to codec x etc, but give me a messy kitchen at 8pm on a Friday evening, and I still have to carefully check the list of final tasks for the evening before going home. I think my first month as a runner could quite easily form its own sitcom, I made that many stupid, laughable mistakes. I hate it when I'm not good at what I do (yes, hate is a strong word, but I use it deliberately), because when I'm not good at what I do, I'm letting people down, I'm drawing attention to myself for all the wrong reasons, and as far as I'm concerned, I'm not earning my keep. I remember some guest speakers at uni saying they used to hate being a runner when they did it but for me I just hate my lack of ability at it, and I really don't enjoy walking into rooms all day and seeing people do a job I know I'd be better at (no, not better then the person doing it, better at it than I am at running). I'm not going to pretend that I know it all by any stretch of the imagination, but edit assisting (and hopefully one day editing) is the one job I truly believe I can do, and do well. Of course God calls us to be out of our comfort zone, but I am a massive believer that a job well done is honoring to God, so it really, really gets to be when I don't do my job properly. It's caused tears more than once because I've been so frustrated at myself. It's a daily, sometimes hourly struggle facing the fact that, even if I've done my very best, the job could have been done better. I like comfort zones not for an easy life but so I can be at my best, and I haven't felt at my best for a long time.

That said, at the very least I really do work at trying to be good at my job because it doesn't matter if you're cleaning a coffee machine or editing the next big feature, doing your absolute best at something must be always be a complete given. Just look at Colossians 3:23 - 'Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord'. Obviously that's a lot easier when it's something you're passionate about (at Ravensbourne 12-16 hour days were normal and I felt more than comfortable with that, whereas a nine hour day at work wipes me out), but the Bible teaches us to work hard at everything we do, not just when we're doing something we love or even are good at. I mean, I'm not passionate about tea and coffee, I don't even drink it, but I should strive to make every latte I make the best latte I can produce! I won't pretend to find this easy, and I certainly won't pretend that when my alarm goes off in the mornings my first thoughts are anywhere close to 'well, in Colossions 3 it says...' but when I'm struggling through the day (which is nearly always), or I'm feeling a bit disgruntled about traipsing round Soho looking for a certain type of olive or something, it's a really important verse to remember.

Plenty of characters in the Bible weren't naturally good where God called them to be, but God wanted them there so God used them. I don't sit comfortably with this in my own life, and actually it took someone a lot wiser than me to point this out to me, but maybe one day it will sink in. For now I can at least look at it this way - I may struggle to get passionate about tea and coffee in itself but ultimately, it's going to a person. It's much easier to get passionate about making people happy than just seeing it as 'making the tea'.

The last few months have been a real, real struggle and I've certainly had better points in my life, but however keen I am to be using Avid as part of my day job (which is unbelievably keen), right here and right now I am a runner, so whether I'm in the right place or not, or whether I have any natural ability at it, God's calling me to be my best at it. Obviously that doesn't stop me looking forward and trying to progress wherever possible, but the fact that this isn't 'the dream job' doesn't give me any leave not to be the best I can at it (even if my best isn't as good as I'd like it to be).

I hope I remember this come Monday morning.

Why Should Christians Care?

Welcome! I've set this blog aside for musings and maybe the occasional story concerning my Christian faith and trying to make it in the world of television, from general thoughts about media and Christianity to my personal attempts at breaking the industry and how this lines up (or doesn't) with my faith. I want to start with the basics - why I care so much about the media, and why I think it's so important for Christians to engage with it.

For a good portion of my life, I've wanted to work in the media in some form or other. When I was younger I wanted to work in marketing, then I wanted to be an actress, then a few years ago I finally settled on wanting to edit television shows. As a Christian, this has forced me to consider many questions about how my ambitions and my faith match up. Is the media a worthy career? Isn't it a selfish ambition to follow? Shouldn't I want to be involved in something more wholesome or at least something more meaningful? I think the problem lies not in the answers to those questions but the questions themselves. They make several assumptions that need to be re-evaluated:

Assumption 1: The media doesn't and shouldn't affect a Christian life

I want to make something very clear. The media is a powerful, relevant part of modern day life, whether or not we want it to be, whether we think it's good or bad, and whether we think we can ignore it or not. It's intertwined into modern day society and you can't escape it. What a newspaper chooses to report, what a comedian can write off by belittling and making look stupid and irrelevant, and what actions a TV drama choose to justify are just the beginning of an endless list of ways in which the media affects our opinions, our decisions and the way in which we live our lives. Countless times I've found myself going along with a TV drama or comedy show, getting to the end and having to stop myself and remember 'hang on, I don't agree with any of that'. In the wrong hands, the media can be truly dangerous and frightening – just look at the News International scandal. In the right hands, it can be an amazing force for good. Just look at the lives transformed by big charity events or remember a time a video that's gone viral online or been shown at church has touched you. It matters that it's there and it matters how it's created and who by. If we don't sit up and take notice of what we're watching, reading and listening to, we could easily let it overtake God as our source of guidance in our lives,

I think there's another vital point to be taken from this - as Christians how can we ignore something that has so much power and influence over so many people's lives, not just our own? If it affects us, it affects the person next door, and we all know what the Bible says about our attitude to our neighbours. (If not – check out Matthew 22:38-40)

I also really believe that sometimes this industry can stand as a mirror to us and our behaviour. I know we don't like having our traditions, values and beliefs picked apart in the press and in front of big television audiences, and of course we shouldn't automatically take on board everything that is said, however, as much as God is perfect, we are not .We get it wrong, and sometimes it takes an outsider to show us that. Even when we're not getting it wrong, the media can still show us how we come across to those who don't believe. That's an incredibly powerful and insightful tool, and I think we should be using it instead of always getting upset when the topic falls to Christianity in a way in which we're uncomfortable.

Assumption 2: The media is no place for Christian values and ideas

I was told from day one at Ravensbourne that 'editing is about storytelling,' but I don't think the concept is limited to video editing. If you think about it, the entire media is about stories, some of them true, some of them made up and some of them masquerading as truth, but whether a news piece, documentary, film, piece of television drama or someone's blog, it almost always bottles down to a story, and there's something else full of stories: the Bible. Jesus told stories all the time, we call them parables. What's more, he told stories that were relevant to the people of the time, just as the stories in the media now are intended to be. For Jesus to have used them, they must have been important.

This really bottles down to why I am so passionate about the media, particularly television. I long to try and reflect even just a tiny bit of Jesus' actions by telling stories that are relevant to people today and reveal truths about who God is, about today's society and how we go about living a Christian life. One of the great things about the stories Jesus told is that they didn't ram the message down people's throats – it was there if you wanted to see it, but to others, it could just be a story. In fact, in Matthew 13 Jesus explains that He doesn't actually expect everyone who hears His parables to understand them. I think this approach is vital in this day and age. Proselytising is not allowed in public service broadcasting, but more than that – people don't like it, and don't want to see it. But people like to be told a good story. I really believe that you can tell a story that's a completely enjoyable piece of drama, and has a deeper level to those open to it without shoving religion down people's throats.

Assumption 3: The media is a completely immoral entity we should steer clear of

It can be surprising when something seemingly unrelated to our faith can provide incredible insights to our lives. Sometimes it's not even something a Christian might 'approve' of. I remember watching an episode of Torchwood – a show that is full of bad language and adult references, and being overwhelmed by the help and insight it gave me in helping to deal with the death of my grandma. That clip was full of language I wouldn't repeat and is in the context of a very twisted storyline, but I truly believe God spoke to me through it. Stories can provide such clarity and I don't think God is narrow minded enough to only use the squeaky clean ones to give us insight into our lives.

Something else that's really to important to consider is this – the media isn't actually one big evil 'thing' that's determined to take over our lives– it's made up of people. In this case it tends to be people under a lot of pressure to meet deadlines, work to budgets and (in the case of television), maintain viewing figures. Sometimes that leads to less than admirable output, and sometimes it brings out the worst in people – and often we only see and hear about these incidences, but in my experience so far, I've seen people work incredibly hard to make the best programming possible and work their way up in this incredibly competitive industry. That's not evil, that's human, and I have yet to meet anyone I would even come close to describing as evil.

We shouldn't just care about the people consuming media, we should care about those making it. I've been pretty rubbish at sharing my faith, or even just being a good, compassionate Christian at work but I am starting to see just how much I need to. I genuinely don't know how I would have got through my first couple of months in the industry without the love and grace of God and the support of my Christian friends and family, and I think it would be incredible for some of my work colleagues to experience that level of God's goodness. Remember – as a Christian I don't come into the industry as one tiny bit of a better person than anyone else, just with an incredible, powerful and loving God by my side. Trust me, I'm going to need Him, but I shouldn't be keeping Him to myself.

So. The media affects us, it affects others, it tells stories just as Jesus did and it's made up of people. I can't pretend that there aren't also some wholly selfish reasons for me to want to get into editing, but I don't think it's impossible to line up with my faith either.