This is a bit of a cheat as technically this post is about what I've been up to outside of my shifts as a runner, but as what I'm going to talk about has come off the back of my running job I feel like I can sneak it into this series (as I'm presumptuously calling it).
In my previous post I talked about how asking to sit in with people is not something that comes easily to me. Well, I've finally plucked up the courage (common sense) to make a start on facing that particular character-flaw, and have started sitting in with some people at work.
One one hand there's a wonderful air of familiarity in some of the stuff I'm seeing. Obviously there's still plenty to learn, and probably always will be, but it was very reassuring to know I'm not in a totally alien world. On the other hand, I'm also realising that the good half a year between now and finishing at uni has taken it's toll. There's a lot of stuff hidden away in my mind somewhere that I need to lure back to the surface. For example, when I was sitting in today I was asked how to do something very simple that I did countless times at uni without even thinking, but today gave completely the wrong answer...which was somewhat embarrassing!
I'm sure many of you have cottoned on to where this is leading by now. Yes, I'm also getting rusty when it comes to God. I wouldn't say I've lost my faith. I still love God and try to do right by what I believe, but the daily discipleship isn't happening, so I lose my way on a regular basis. As with post production - much of it is there, somewhere. I've grown up in a Christian family and have had the benefit of years of Christian teachings, but it means nothing if I don't act on it. God remains amazing and unchanging, just as Final Cut Pro remains... unchanging, but it does require effort on my part. I don't learn without interaction, and passiveness leads to forgetfulness. The analogy doesn't quite work (just like FCP really) - you don't need to be 'trained' to know God, and with God there's no such thing as a 'general error', but the point remains that following Jesus isn't a one-way street.
God can and will do amazing things in people, and on one level it's out of our control, taking absolutely nothing from us, I've seen and believe that, but although the effort on our part won't affect God's ability to work miracles, without it we won't allow ourselves to grow.
This is why it really is about time I found a church, it's something I've neglected to do for too long - every weekend I manage to find myself an excuse not to start hunting, which basically amounts to bad decision after bad decision. At work it was being around people who do the job day in, day out that made me realise just how much I need to spend some more quality time with certain pieces of software, and in the same way I'm sure being around people who are also trying to build their relationship with God day by day will help to give my faith some direction, and make it sink in how vital it is I start putting in some more hours with God.
Think that I've squeezed every morsel possible from this analogy? Think again. I was also fortunate enough to be allowed to play with some footage from one of the productions at work this week. It's one of the best things I've got to do since starting my job and it reminded me exactly why I'm in this. Time just flew by- everything I love about editing came flooding back. I was on a late shift followed by an early so my intention was to just watch through the footage ready to cut when I had more time, but as soon as I started watching it my mind just came alight and I couldn't help but get started. I got excited every time I saw a bit of performance I liked, started working out how best to fit it into the cut, and felt an enormous sense of achievement when I made something work. I was gripped by shaping the structure of the scene and ideas for little extra touches were bouncing around my mind.
Again, I'm sure you can see where this is going. Occasionally I actually bother to really try to connect with God and He always teaches me something new, and to coin an overused phrase, really does blow my mind. Time doesn't matter anymore, I've got something amazing here.
I find my job very hard work, and I know that won't change if I manage to work my way up the ladder, but it's all about doing something that I love to bits. I'll be honest and say that I don't get excited about the nitty-gritty of Christianity, but that's because I need to remind myself who it's all about. Once upon a time, I couldn't get enough of it. That 'once upon a time' happens to be when I started helping out more at church. It took effort on my part, but I took way more than I gave. There's a love there, I just need to rediscover it by actually doing something about it. It's not gone, it's just rusty. Thankfully the difference is that God is can work with rusty. Software just mocks you with its errors until you press the right buttons.
I know this has been a little more of a wishy-washy post than my last couple, and reading this back I'm not sure I've quite managed to pinpoint what's going on in my mind, but really the point is that this last week or so has started to bring home just how much work I have ahead of me. Just like with that cut, that over-sensible, paranoid part of my brain should take a back seat when it comes to God. I'm really looking forward to delving back into the technical side of post production, but I also need to start delving into the technical world of being a Christian. Not just the 'please God can I have', but actually opening my Bible, taking time out of my day to pray, to learn, to serve, and to finally have the guts to walk into a new church.
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