There's no getting away from the fact it's been a tough working year. When your job encompass so much of your life, it hits hard when it doesn't go to plan. The excitement of travelling for work and assembly editing in 2016 was always going to be difficult to live up to in 2017, and when some opportunities did come, it was when my day to day working responsibilities were at their most intense, and my personal life at its busiest or most emotionally difficult. It felt like I didn't show myself at my best.
However, I ended the year on what has so far been a lovely job, certainly the best gig I've worked on in quite some time, and I can relax and enjoy the Christmas break, knowing I will be continuing my role into the new year. I also got to reap a reward of 2016 - seeing my first assembly editor credit broadcast, and received some positively sparkling silver linings on the tough gigs of 2017 - I worked with some amazing people, who I'm probably all the closer to for the mad workload. Moreover, being pushed to your absolute limit makes you admit personally and professionally that you do indeed have a limit - and teaches you that people in and out of work are more understanding about that than you'd think.
I performed in two shows this year, but I have to give special mention to The Anniversary, my first play with Incognito Theatre. I was trusted with a part which pushed me a long way outside my comfort zone and eventually boosted my confidence to levels I'm not sure I've ever experienced before. After feeling exhausted, creatively unfulfilled, and a little broken following a particularly tough job, this experience helped put me back together. The support and patience from the cast, crew and director was incredible, and for the first time since I can remember, I think my biggest achievement of the year lay outside of my work(/education - if you go back far enough!). From the first rehearsal to the final curtain, it was an experience I'll always cherish.
2017 was also the year my grandma was diagnosed with dementia. Naturally that's devastating news, and has been particularly difficult for my mum, who has had to deal with both the emotional and practical pains that come with it. It has also shown me the absolute best of my family (who I obviously knew were brilliant anyway). From the amazing strength, resilience and compassion my mum has shown in the most trying of times, to watching my amazing dad and sister calmly and patiently helping grandma up the front step into our house on Christmas day, I have been reminded time and time again that my family are beautiful and that I couldn't have hoped for a better one. (No, I'm not crying...you are).
The diagnosis spurred Helen and I to do a 10k run in aid of Alzheimer's Research UK. Taking on the challenge with my sister definetly made it a highlight of the year - even if she was faster than me!
I find it all too easy to look back and beat myself up for what I didn't achieve or do 'well enough' at, but that's a terribly selfish and ungrateful way to look at the year. For all my frustration about the London housing market, and still sharing a rented flat, never was I in want of a roof over my head. For all the quick sandwiches I've wolfed down whilst walking out of work late at night, never have I had to wonder where my next meal was going to come from. For all the times I was frustrated with how my career was going, I always had work in 2017 when I needed or wanted it. For all the times I've felt down, stressed, angry, broken or just exhausted, I have always had a family member or a friend to vent to. As a girl who hangs too much of her self worth and happiness on achieving and generally wanting to be better at stuff than she is - yes, it was a frustrating and exhausting year. But my life is extremely, unfairly blessed and I should never forget the riches God gives me by His grace, year on year, despite me straying further and further.
2017 also brought more cake baking, another panto, being the editor for a short film (which I really hope I'll get to tell you more about in 2018), another puppet video, a much awaited return to the Edinburgh festival, a fun photoshoot with friends, more theatre trips, more Shakespeare, a tweet unexpectly appearing in Broadcast Magazine, and even a little trip to York. It was also the year the Conservatives lost their majority, and our Leave-loving-tory MP lost his seat to a man with an awesome name, so it really can't have been that bad.
As for 2018? Well I think it should start with gratitude for all I've been given in 2017.
No comments:
Post a Comment